Days like today put a smile on my face...

My roommate woke me up at 9:30, I probably scared the heck out of her. (I don't do mornings well ha) Anyways, she took me out for a big breakfast. After getting out of my grumpy morning state, there was awesome conversation & bacon. Every morning should have bacon. Seriously. Good conversation too, but mostly just bacon. :)

So now I'm sprawled out here on the couch with the apartment quiet except for Nora Jones playing in the background.

I'm grateful for the little things. These last couple months have been stressful because of money. Because of an apprenticeship that I still don't know if I'll get, but looks oh-so-good. I've been frustrated. One way or another when I get to the point of where I don't think I can take it anymore, all the waiting, stretching the money I have, God brings a morning like this that just gives me a break. I have such good people in my life..friends & family who are more than willing to help & that have. Not everyone has it this good.

So thanks to God, for knowing what I need & when. 

Bliss..

Be Still

I won't ever be put in a box, become cookie-cutter perfect or please everyone by being some one I'm not. Honestly, I couldn't even if I tried.

I want to be exceptional in my own way. I want to push my boundaries, & be brilliant at what I do. It's funny, how most times out of 10 the person holding you back is yourself.

On another note, here's some good things about Lynchburg that I can appreciate for the rest of however long I'll be here. Incredible sunsets. Beautiful country. Gorgeous mountains. Oh the mountains, I could live the rest of my life indescribably happy if I could always be living near mountains. Art, my sanity. My family. I love living near my family, as crazy as they are, they're pretty great. BRCC & all the people that come with it. My friends. GOD.

One of these days my dreams are going to be made a reality. This is one thing that I am completely certain of, even when other things may still be hazy.

"Be Still, and know that I am God.." Psalm 46:10

Esta noche

I like the idea of a fresh screen for a new blog post, it's like a new blank canvas. It's so much easier to create & finish than a painting. Which is, well, nice.

Can I please go travel?? Right now?! Get on a plane and just go! (it would be my motto if I had the money to back it up with) Sadly, life beckons and requires me to be a responsible citizen and go to school & work. I get so caught up on how much time we spend working for a living, going to school for that living, and then the time we devote to our families/friends or doing something to better the world. The ratio just seems a tad unfair. But then, who said life was supposed to be? Maybe it's wishful thinking on our part, but certainly not truth. God calls us to a certain way of living, and that may mean having a type of job not desired or dealing with people when you'd rather be with your family. But that doesn't make it any less important, in fact that makes it all the more important because we're called to that life by the one who gave us breath to live it.

 I can have these thoughts but at the end of the day there are bigger things out there than my desire to travel & see the world & all it's adventures waiting. I'm pretty sure that He wants me to go to school in the Burg, & this is certainly where I'm gonna stay until that changes. Even if it doesn't, He's got something bigger planned that I can even imagine. Truth against my discontent. I'm going to let that win, and see where it takes me. Till then, I'll keep ya'll posted. ~

Not-so-earned Love

I always write late in the evening. Never in the morning, never midday. Always at night.

I'm rather late finally blogging about this, but the Crash retreat was incredible! Not because I had some quality time with God or the other girls, which was great, don't get me wrong. But because God showed me some hard truths about my life. I kept searching for answers that I thought were the only necessary things for God to share with me; where I needed to head with my schooling, what job I should go for, all the basics really. However, this was not His plan for the weekend and I was going to learn it in a not-so-easy way!

When first getting there I didn't feel like I wanted to be at the retreat at all..I wanted to bolt as soon as I sat down at a table. I knew God was going to share something difficult with me as soon as the music started, and I did NOT want to hear it. Trust me, He didn't fail to comply :p

I won't share the specifics, but I had to give something up. A stronghold, a burden that had weighed me down when I hadn't even realized it. I was angry at God...why had he let this happen? My argument of course making no sense because it was a choice I had made long ago, and allowed. Free will, I mean honestly how could He give us that?! (note how crazy I must have sounded) The next step of course was to let go of the stronghold. Easier said than done. But God doesn't want us to live under anything but His will for our lives, we just have to lean into that no matter how we feel at the time.

Letting go. Freedom. Peace. Joy.

He wasn't done with me just yet, I had to tell the group just what was going on. WONDERFUL. God has a sense of humor, and knows that I hate being in the spotlight! But again, He knew just what it would take to begin healing me from this.

I learned that weekend that I didn't really embrace or pay attention to God's true love for me...sure I've heard it my whole life, maybe even believed it in a shallow sense. Letting yourself fully experience it is another thing. That was His last message for me. I don't have to hold back with Him, I can allow myself to be completely open with my life & emotions. I am safe with Him. I don't have to earn my way into His heart, or be worried that He will change His mind about me. How is it that I've held back with that when He has been waiting for me, loving me through all of my junk & being my saving grace all the while?

Honestly, we serve a truly mighty God. Praise be to Him!